{"id":33183,"date":"2018-06-25T06:40:30","date_gmt":"2018-06-25T10:40:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/socialmediaexplorer.com\/?p=33183"},"modified":"2018-06-23T06:44:40","modified_gmt":"2018-06-23T10:44:40","slug":"average-age-of-childs-first-social-media-account-drops-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/socialmediaexplorer.com\/content-sections\/news-and-noise\/satire\/average-age-of-childs-first-social-media-account-drops-again\/","title":{"rendered":"Average Age of Child&#8217;s First Social Media Account Drops Again"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The average age when a child gets their first social media account in the United States has dropped again. Recent studies now confirm that nearly half of all fetuses in the third trimester already have both a Facebook and Twitter account.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At a news conference from their headquarters in Slickpoo, Idaho, the president of the National Institute of National Institutes told a gathering of reporters that fetal social media activity is \u201cif not the elephant in the room, then at least the dirty diaper that no one wants to change.\u201d \u00a0Ellen Hives Wooster spoke to reporters at length about the startling numbers of unborn children who use social media outlets to voice their opinions about such things as amniotic fluid and umbilical cords. <\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cThese accounts have flown under the radar for far too long\u201d she said on Thursday. \u201cWe\u2019re tracking a veritable blizzard of \u2018goo\u2019 and \u2018gaa\u2019 and even\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">some puzzling remarks like \u2018oot.\u2019 Plainly, this segment of the social media spectrum is beginning to assert its right to self expression.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cIt won\u2019t be long now before online advertisers and marketers catch on to this untapped market, and that could make things problematical for parents\u201d she further stated. \u201cI don\u2019t think mom and dad are prepared to see the birth of their child chronicled on Snapchat, for instance &#8212; from the inside coming out. And the attendant flood of display ads for everything from Gerbers to Pampers.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Licensed medical midwives are also voicing concern over this new phenomenon. Professional midwife Tiffany Ziehehart during an interview on Fox News said \u201cIt\u2019s scary to think that ten minutes after assisting at the birth of a child, that infant may give me a bad review on Yelp!\u201d \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The average age when a child gets their first social media account in the United&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":226,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7584],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-33183","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-satire"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Average Age of Child&#039;s First Social Media Account Drops Again - Social Media Explorer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/socialmediaexplorer.com\/content-sections\/news-and-noise\/satire\/average-age-of-childs-first-social-media-account-drops-again\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Average Age of Child&#039;s First Social Media Account Drops Again - 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